July 28, 2020

But God.

This made me laugh and I had to reshare. If you have seen any of my story, you know that 2020 was a dumpster fire for me long before the world caught on! 😅😅
But in all seriousness, this year has been about truly trusting the Lord, letting go, being still… In reference to the photo, life this year, and just life always… “BUT GOD”.
To be on the receiving end of a miracle is an incredibly strange thing. Even stranger still as that miracle continues to unfold in my daily life. Holding Olivia used to trigger this incredible emptiness and profound sadness — there really aren’t words for how all-consuming the emotion was. But it also made me feel like a monster — how could it not? So I hid it and secretly plotted to escape…. And to eventually die. Zulresso changed that for me. God gave people the knowledge to create a medication that works differently in the brain of postpartum women to treat the cause of that depression specifically.
Fast forward to now as I have been recovering from surgery and was having limited time that I was able to hold Olivia. I found myself craving that time; I was truly missing it, and when I was finally able to hold her and cuddle with her, my mood was suddenly lifted!
This beautiful miracle continues to play out and has brought me to tears so many times over the last few weeks.
Sage Therapeutics not only saved my life, but their infusion, in conjunction with medication management and therapy, has allowed me to bond with MY DAUGHTER and find joy over and over in my daily life with her! I am just so overcome with gratitude.
But God. 🙌
Life looks different right now, for sure. My life has certainly looked incredibly different from how I thought. But different can be what you make it to be. Different can be beautiful and blessed, even among the ashes.
Can I be praying for you? Can I hold your hand in the darkness? God is always there with you, but I will also sit in the dark with you until you can see the light again.
Links to help are available under the “Resources” tab. If you don’t see what you need, please let me know how I can help.
You are loved, worthy, and so important. 💜