SarahSantos

Sarah Santos is a married chiropractor living in Idaho. She had a daughter in November 2019. Despite fantastic support systems, she still found herself suffering from severe insomnia, a lack of appetite, a lack of a bond with her baby, anxiety, depression, OCD, hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, and eventually, thoughts (and intent/acts) of suicide. Due to the severity of these symptoms, she chose to place herself inpatient and receive the Zulresso infusion; and then continue with medication management and therapy upon release from the hospital. Her site exists to raise awareness to the number one complication of childbirth: perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs); to stress the importance to providers of all types that treat women in their child-bearing years to know the signs and symptoms that they should be aware of and to be an ally for new mothers; to advocate for easier access to treatment as it truly took a team for Sarah to get care and that shouldn’t be the case; and for women to know that they shouldn’t feel any shame or guilt when asking for help. Women don’t ask for this. Never would a Mama want motherhood to look this way. But unfortunately it happens fairly frequently. However, there are great treatment options available that can help Moms get better! Please check out the “Resources” page as well as Sarah’s blog for more information, and reach out anytime.

Red-eye Reflections

February 2, 2021January 29, 2021 by SarahSantos

At this time last year, we were on a red-eye flight to North Carolina. My mind found plenty of creative ways to end everything while on the flights. Mostly I sobbed the entire way, in disbelief that this was my life; that I was seriously flying across the country to admit myself into a perinatal … Read moreRed-eye Reflections

On This day — January 1, 2020

January 2, 2021January 1, 2021 by SarahSantos

One year ago I typed up this letter in the “notes” on my phone. As you can see, it was nighttime on the 1st of January, 2020. And my mind was done. I wrote this letter and had every intention of leaving it for Gabe the following day. I figured he could give it to … Read moreOn This day — January 1, 2020

I’m Proud of You

January 2, 2021December 31, 2020 by SarahSantos

I see you, Mama. This year was not what you thought. It wasn’t for me, either. One year ago, you dreamed of all that 2020 would hold. You released the stress of 2019 and hoped for a new dawn in 2020. You desperately reached out for the light that a new chapter would bring. And … Read moreI’m Proud of You

I’m Just So Tired

December 29, 2020December 29, 2020 by SarahSantos

I’m Just So Tired This phrase. I keep thinking it, and sometimes it slips out my mouth. It instantly traumatizes and scares me. And then I think about the impact that statement has on my husband, and my family. That phrase a year ago meant I had nothing left to give to this life. That … Read moreI’m Just So Tired

A Letter from the ER

December 25, 2020December 24, 2020 by SarahSantos

Let me start by saying that I am no longer in the ER. I was for several hours last night and began writing this post in my mind. My body too tired and taxed from working to breathe, I couldn’t find the energy to type it on my phone as I sat alone in my … Read moreA Letter from the ER

Covid, Quarantine, and PMADs

December 23, 2020December 23, 2020 by SarahSantos

Covid found our household. Gabe woke up sick on the morning of Sunday, December 13th. He seemed to only have a cold, but given that he still goes into work, I sent him to get tested. Out of an abundance of caution, Olivia and I stayed home from church that day and watched remotely. That … Read moreCovid, Quarantine, and PMADs

Pre-Baby Discussions… A Quick Note

December 8, 2020December 8, 2020 by SarahSantos

Thank you Maternal Mental Health Utah for putting this together. I think it is also important to note that the “self-care”, “mental health red flags”, and “non working down time” need to also be discussed in regard to your partner. Up to 1 in 10 new Dads develop PPD, so it is important that we are … Read morePre-Baby Discussions… A Quick Note

Rejoice: A Whole Year of Firsts

February 13, 2022December 8, 2020 by SarahSantos

A Whole Year of Firsts. All those milestones that people look forward to. That first time your tiny newborn can actually make eye contact, holds your finger, smiles, coos. That adorable first laugh, rolling over after you have tried so hard to help your little one figure it out. Sitting up on her own, speaking … Read moreRejoice: A Whole Year of Firsts

I Never Had a Tiny Infant, So Why Am I Crying?

November 22, 2020November 22, 2020 by SarahSantos

Facebook memories. You know the ones. “On This Day 1 year ago….” Followed by whatever you posted at that time. Who would have known that simple morning scroll would have wrecked me? On Thursday, the 19th, these memories consisted of photos from last year in which Olivia received her first bath and “manicure”. Even writing … Read moreI Never Had a Tiny Infant, So Why Am I Crying?

I Shouldn’t Need Help!

November 15, 2020November 15, 2020 by SarahSantos

There were so many “I should” statements standing in my way of getting treatment. Being a provider, I took it to an even higher level; as if, having knowledge would somehow preclude me from suffering PMADs. But that is what my mind told me…. I should be able to do this because I knew better. … Read moreI Shouldn’t Need Help!