What the heck is “the dip”? This is one of those things I wish I knew about before starting TMS. Not because it would have changed my mind on trying this treatment, but because I would have known to really keep an eye out and manage expectations. Thankfully, I did come across information about it prior to hitting it. Reddit, of course, had threads that discussed the phenomenon. Apparently, a percentage of people undergoing TMS will have signs of improvement and then experience a sudden decrease in mood and increased depression symptoms. This typically happens around weeks 3 and/or 4. When I read about it, I was in the improvement part of treatment. I noticed fewer crying spells, improved sleep, more motivation, waking up feeling more able to take on the day, wanting to interact with Olivia more, feeling actual emotions toward Olivia rather than just going through the motions, etc. It lasted about a week. And then things started declining. And declining. And declining. As I write this now, I am drowning in sorrow and wishing this life would end. I am so tired. Physically, mentally, spiritually. I am exhausted. I am over the ups and the downs, the highs and the lows, the back and forth. I am tired of my loved ones having to endure this mental illness with me. I am tired of the hope that then gets stolen away and replaced with despair. I am tired. And this, apparently, is “the dip”. Or so I hope at least. Because the thing about the dip, is that it ends. Most patients experience it for only a week and then start climbing out of it. I am at the end of my second week of lows and still spiraling. So, it’s hard to read other’s anecdotal stories about this just being a part of treatment when I am not following the pattern.
I have 10 more TMS sessions left. I will complete them and continue praying that God guides these treatments and will pave the way toward healing for me. I would appreciate you joining me in prayer over my mind.
I will post an update at the completion of my TMS sessions. I am speaking to my TMS doctor today and will also be scheduling a full psychiatric evaluation with a new specialist in the coming weeks. God will help me find a way through – I just need to hold on in the meantime.
Take care, friends.