I have so much I want, and need, to share with you all. I disappeared again. But life got really, really crazy. And a lot of it has been super positive; I have gotten to enjoy tons of fun times with Olivia that I am so grateful for. I fully intend to backtrack in future posts and catch up on everything that I want to write about. But not today. Today, I have a much bigger purpose.
I want you to sit still. Yes, you. Wherever you are. Just quiet your mind. Focus on those deep belly breaths and just imagine Jesus there with you. Whether that is Him in the seat next to you as you drive down the road, or sharing coffee with you at one of our cozy little spots up here, or maybe even He is jogging down the road as you get some exercise in. Perhaps you are up with your newborn, who is fussing again, and never sleeps, and you are exhausted and at your wits end. Or you are lying in bed grieving the loss of a loved one gone far too soon. Maybe you are even enduring medical challenges, feeling a bit forsaken. Take in another deep breath allowing his breath of peace, love, patience, joy, healing, and comfort to enter deep into your belly. Breathe out whatever frustration, anger, hurt, fatigue, depression, anxiety, etc that is building within you. Just be still, focusing on His borrowed breath, a little longer. Jesus is right there with you. Can you feel Him yet? Invite Him in because He is always there anyway. But we often forget that. We often lose that feeling of connectedness. We go about our days, trying to be in control of handling things thrown our way, completely ignoring the being next to us that not only has all the answers, but that is our literal Savior. There is nothing that He has not already endured for us. So whatever challenge you are facing presently, lay it at His feet. Praise Him for the promises of the cross. No matter how dark life may feel, He is there.
I’ve lost sight of Him multiple times over these last two years. Even during this last year of relative stability, there have been periods where I can’t find his light. I close my eyes and seek Him, and I am sitting inside a dark, damp railroad tunnel. I feel all alone. I feel lost. I feel hopeless. And then I see it. Somebody is trying to get their lighter to catch. Have you ever seen those old Bic lighters when they were basically out of gas, but somebody just kept trying and trying, and all they would get was a spark? Over and over again, that spark. This is what I see. But it is enough because I know He is still there trying to provide me a light to follow out of that darkness. And as I hold on to that flicker, I hear His words over and over again: “Sarah. Sarah. All will be well.” He made me that promise three years ago when I was crying out to Him, face down on my floor. And in that moment, all crying ceased. I was awestruck to have heard Him so clearly. Those same words again when lying in the dark, stale, lonely psychiatric hospital room as I felt His presence enter when I decided to worship Him regardless of what the next day held. And in an instant, I just knew that everything would be fine whether I received the treatment or not. That peace is of God only. We are not capable of finding such peace on our own. We are not capable of remaining joyful when the world is crumbling without knowing the Lord. Whether you are walking with Him or not, He is always walking with you and seeking you. Let the God of the valleys AND the mountains walk your journey with you. Because we are going to endure much during this life. We are in a fallen world. But it is important to remember that God doesn’t put us through these trials. They happen because of the world we are in. What God does do, however, is He carries us through the trials. There will always be another in the fire because we are so, so loved that God will never make us endure such things alone. If you don’t know Jesus, I am happy to share my heart further with you, pray with you, whatever you need. I love you all dearly and promise to catch up on my other posts soon!